Getting out and about

I'm going to start getting out more.

I'm able to talk to others now and not tear up when they ask me how I'm doing or when they mention how they are still so sorry about our loss.

I even referred to T as my "late-wife" today while talking with someone and didn't feel too awkward. It was only the second time I had been able to use that term.

I'm still uplifted most days by reading "Healing After Loss-Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief" and the Bible nightly.

These last 16 months have been challenging and life changing on so many levels.

I still so miss Tori.

I've just finally realized that being alone most every evening and all weekend, with just my dog Dwight, is increasingly depressing. Dwight's great. It's just that our conversations are always one-sided.

I need to do more than just work, pay bills, take care of Dwight, keep up with the house and errands and go to the YMCA.

I need to socialize more, travel again.

I'm going to try.

Exactly 16 months of LWT

"The time required for healing cannot be measured against any fixed calendar."

The past is over.

The future is unknowable.

God is in control.

I know T would be proud of how I've done so far without her.

I know I'm here for a reason.

I'm am, for the most part, very thankful.

Top ten things I miss the most

Just hanging out together.

Always having a sounding board.

Having a TV watching, reading, sleeping and snuggling buddy.

Kissing her goodnight.

Kissing her good morning.

Problem solving together.

Tackling life's many challenges together-car and home repairs, division of chores/errands, etc.

Planning our future.

Traveling together.

Private intimate times.

Joyful

I've been going to a men's Bible study for the last couple of months.

Last night had an excellent reminder from 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: Always rejoice. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

No promises

I listened to an interview, on the radio today, with a young woman who had widely metastatic breast cancer.

When asked how she copes with everything she noted that she has been able to stop being overwhelmed worrying about the future because she now, more than any previous time in her life, understands that NONE of us are promised tomorrow.

She, therefore, prefers to live in the present and to make the most of each day.

I know I should always be doing the same.

I just don't always remember.

All is fine

I cried today...but just briefly.

Someone I know from the YMCA asked how I was doing.

He knew my wife had died but we hadn't crossed paths for a long time.

He's a nice guy.

He wanted me to know that God is always with me.

That's when I noticed my eyes were wet.

I let him know I believed the same and thanked him.

I wiped the tears away.

We shook hands and went our separate ways.

I was actually fine soon after.

Time has clearly helped me to bounce back much quicker.

Hurricane watch

Hurricane Matthew is on the way.

I've tried to prepare.

I know Tori is watching over us.

Today and everyday.

Day by day

"Then come the quiet times...our loneliness stares out at us from the mirror. All the places we used to go to together, we go alone."

"Maybe it would temper our grief a little to acknowledge how blessed we are to have had a love that rich."

"Though it may be heavy going for a while, we will realign our patterns of thought and expectation so we can be grateful for the life, and the memories, that we have."

Much thanks to Martha Whitmore Hickman for the above quotes.