Monday, June 26, 2017

Let go, be grateful, look forward

To be happy you must:

Let go of what's gone. Be grateful for what remains. Look forward to what's coming next.-Author unknown.

Living in the present

"How much time we spend anguishing over a future without the one we love-anticipating all the times we would have expected that person to be present with us, sharing our life. Yet the future is unknown to us. We ourselves may not be present at these events we look toward anticipating grief. We do not need to compound that grief by projecting ourselves into a time beyond our knowledge or control."-Martha Whitmore Hickman

Friday, June 23, 2017

T's surrogate

Two years ago I woke up on this day of the month completely overwhelmed. Tori had died at 4:44 pm the day prior. I was scared and didn't know what to do about most everything. We had split up so many duties over the years but it became apparent that the things she did were the things that mattered; the things that kept our family and household going. Our cars being cleaned and the yard looking good suddenly became so insignificant. Having our bills paid, having food in the refrigerator and helping to coordinate and keep track of family issues were always "hers." I couldn't imagine life without her. I wasn't at all confident that I could even come close to doing the things she had been doing.
Things have not been the same. Everything is different but I have acquired, actually re-acquired, many skills. I've done my best to be her surrogate. I got to witness the best. I just wish she could have witnessed this improved version of myself.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

LWT X 2 years

"I knew already that these things, and worse, happened daily. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not in imagination. " C.S. Lewis

Tomorrow will be two years of Life without T. I am doing better. Re-reading posts from over the last two years confirms the same. This LWT version of myself has more SINCERE empathy for others than I know I had in the past. I hope I can give close to the same of amount of support to others in need as I have received from so many.

Monday, June 19, 2017

June 18th

June 18th, 2017: Father's Day. Tori always made Father's Day special.

June 18th, 2015: Tori slumped over on the couch, while reading her Kindle, at 9 PM.
June 21st, 2015: Father's Day. June 22nd, 2015: Tori died at 4:44 pm.

Great memories of most Father's Day. Not so great memories of June 18th-June 22nd, 2015.

Friday, May 26, 2017

Turning the page

"We live our life in chapters."
I completely agree.
It's just that I wasn't expecting to have spent nearly the last 2 years living it as I have been doing.
I'm ready for this 2 year chapter to be finished.
"Everything you want is on the other side of fear."
I'm no longer afraid so it will be interesting to see what the future holds.
Hopefully, a happier chapter.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

A good soul home

I know the real estate and house closing agents usually try to keep the buyer and the seller of a home apart.
My part of the closing went quickly.
As I was leaving the buyer was entering.
He said "it's great to meet you."
He then said he knows this is a very emotional day.
He knew we had lived there for over 23 years and he knew that T had died.
He said he and his wife knew our home was perfect the first time they walked through.
"Your home had a good spirit, it had a good soul."
He then thanked me for the privilege of being able to raise his family in the same home that I raised my family.
I got a little emotional as well.
I wasn't expecting this encounter.
We shook hands.
I don't think our home could have found a better new owner.