My stages of grief

The  5 classic stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

My stages had different titles:

#1. Broken-broken to the core, uncontrollable crying, unable to sleep, unable to eat, totally overwhelmed and afraid of everything. Was I going to die? Was I going to be able to meet financial obligations with both children in college? What if I lost my job? What if my house burned down? What if the water pipes broke or the roof of my home started to leak while I was at work? Etc..

#2. Guilt-guilt over not dying 1st, guilt over things said or done in the past, guilt over being the parent that gets to see our children grow older.

#3 Anger-anger at her for dying, for being overwhelmed, for thinking it was much easier to die than to navigate through everything I needed to navigate through, for others being happy, and yes, toward God as well.

#4. Awakening-waking up each morning, knowing I could and must go on, that I could shop and cook, that I could work full time while multitasking family issues and, finally, becoming re-aware that "most everyone is fighting a battle of which you know nothing about," even friends and acquaintances, that you had known for years.

#5. Desire-to live again, to love, to learn, to enhance my spirituality, to understand the human experience more, to grow, to socialize again and finally, wanting to help others who have had a loss work through grief.

It's been 2 years since the last update

 A lot has happened over the last couple of years. 

I got re-married in August, 2019 to "J" (see blog entry on April 22, 2018).

All's going great.

Her three children-now my step children (ages 19-32), have seemed to accept me into their lives.

My children-now J's two step children (ages 24 and 26), have come to truly appreciate and care for her.

She's kind and thoughtful-2 wonderful characteristics that their mother also shared.

I connected with T in November, 1988 when I decided to go to a Halloween party at the last minute.

I connected with J in April, 2017 when I decided to go to a medical conference at the last minute.

I do believe God was involved with both last minute decisions. 

I couldn't be more thankful!