''Grief melts away. Like snow in May. As if there was no such thing as cold."-George Herbert
It does.
It will.
You are forever changed but have faith...
It does melt away.
It will, eventually, melt away.
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Sunday, May 27, 2018
Much needed salve
I came across an excellent short article entitled, "Walking away from Facebook can help salve a lonely soul" by Matthew Richardson.
He notes that Facebook is like a stage play in which you see a near perfect performance without being backstage where things go wrong and where actors often clash. It's a popularity contest and is usually as real as reality TV.
Recently I've been surprised a couple of times by friends who were in the midst of significant marital conflict or divorce proceedings.
Both times I looked at their Facebook pages, prior to seeing them, and would have thought they had a perfect life and marriage.
Richardson comments that Facebook is a monstrous time-suck and causes us to be envious of others, instead of being thankful for God's blessings.
Holly Butcher wrote an excellent essay prior to her death, from Ewing's sarcoma, at age 27: "A bit of life advice from Hol."
Wise beyond her years she recommends the following: "Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn't meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo. Enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else."
I've so wanted to share this with those who seem to have the need to post photos on Facebook when they are still the midst of an experience taking place.
He notes that Facebook is like a stage play in which you see a near perfect performance without being backstage where things go wrong and where actors often clash. It's a popularity contest and is usually as real as reality TV.
Recently I've been surprised a couple of times by friends who were in the midst of significant marital conflict or divorce proceedings.
Both times I looked at their Facebook pages, prior to seeing them, and would have thought they had a perfect life and marriage.
Richardson comments that Facebook is a monstrous time-suck and causes us to be envious of others, instead of being thankful for God's blessings.
Holly Butcher wrote an excellent essay prior to her death, from Ewing's sarcoma, at age 27: "A bit of life advice from Hol."
Wise beyond her years she recommends the following: "Try just enjoying and being in moments rather than capturing them through the screen of your phone. Life isn't meant to be lived through a screen nor is it about getting the perfect photo. Enjoy the bloody moment, people! Stop trying to capture it for everyone else."
I've so wanted to share this with those who seem to have the need to post photos on Facebook when they are still the midst of an experience taking place.
Saturday, May 26, 2018
Just plain thankful
"But think-if we had no one we loved enough to mourn for, how flat, how terrible, our lives would be."-Martha Whitmore Hickman
This is so true but you won't be able to acknowledge the same until the grief and tears have started to abate.
At least that's how it was for me.
It took close to a couple of years but I can honestly say I am so thankful and grateful for the life and love I shared with T, instead of just focusing on the loss.
I've had time with both of our children recently.
My son is in graduate school and my daughter graduated from college last weekend.
It makes me even more thankful, if that's even possible.
There have been no tears for quite sometime now.
I hope the same will eventually be true for you.
This is so true but you won't be able to acknowledge the same until the grief and tears have started to abate.
At least that's how it was for me.
It took close to a couple of years but I can honestly say I am so thankful and grateful for the life and love I shared with T, instead of just focusing on the loss.
I've had time with both of our children recently.
My son is in graduate school and my daughter graduated from college last weekend.
It makes me even more thankful, if that's even possible.
There have been no tears for quite sometime now.
I hope the same will eventually be true for you.
Wednesday, May 9, 2018
Your fellow man
The men's group I attend wrapped up a year of studying the book of Romans this week.
My small group represented a typical cross section of men-both white and blue collar workers.
We got to know each other over the year.
One fellow lost a son who was in his 20's a few years ago.
Another had a son who had struggled for years with substance use and abuse.
Another had a daughter in her 30's who had just been diagnosed with a brain tumor.
One, who had always been so quiet, opened up one night and told us about the atrocities he had witnessed as a corpsman during three tours in Vietnam.
Another had a very ill brother move in with he and his wife so that they could help care for him.
Two missed a few nights due to dealing with very serious health problems of their own.
Another was in the midst of a very difficult divorce.
I let them know about T's sudden death in 2015.
It always hits home that, once again, most everyone you meet is fighting a battle of which you may know nothing about...until you get to know them.
Working through grief is a long process but it makes you so much more aware, it makes you a better listener and it encourages you to get to know others in a way that you had never considered prior.
Life on earth is short. Get to know your fellow man and your fellow woman.
Listen. Love. Support. Encourage. Let those with a recent event know there is a light at the end of the tunnel in which they may find themselves in at this time.
My small group represented a typical cross section of men-both white and blue collar workers.
We got to know each other over the year.
One fellow lost a son who was in his 20's a few years ago.
Another had a son who had struggled for years with substance use and abuse.
Another had a daughter in her 30's who had just been diagnosed with a brain tumor.
One, who had always been so quiet, opened up one night and told us about the atrocities he had witnessed as a corpsman during three tours in Vietnam.
Another had a very ill brother move in with he and his wife so that they could help care for him.
Two missed a few nights due to dealing with very serious health problems of their own.
Another was in the midst of a very difficult divorce.
I let them know about T's sudden death in 2015.
It always hits home that, once again, most everyone you meet is fighting a battle of which you may know nothing about...until you get to know them.
Working through grief is a long process but it makes you so much more aware, it makes you a better listener and it encourages you to get to know others in a way that you had never considered prior.
Life on earth is short. Get to know your fellow man and your fellow woman.
Listen. Love. Support. Encourage. Let those with a recent event know there is a light at the end of the tunnel in which they may find themselves in at this time.
Sunday, May 6, 2018
A deeper understanding
Kindred Spirits: when two people share a bond due to an experience that has drawn them together or to a higher level of consciousness.
Grief makes us so much more aware of the grief of others, eventually.
Initially we are too consumed by our own sadness to think much about the sorrows of others.
But when we are finally able to get back out in the world again, we frequently cross paths with others who are just beginning to deal, or have already been dealing, with a significant loss.
We now more deeply understand the depth of their suffering.
Grief makes us so much more aware of the grief of others, eventually.
Initially we are too consumed by our own sadness to think much about the sorrows of others.
But when we are finally able to get back out in the world again, we frequently cross paths with others who are just beginning to deal, or have already been dealing, with a significant loss.
We now more deeply understand the depth of their suffering.
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