Two years ago I woke up on this day of the month completely overwhelmed. Tori had died at 4:44 pm the day prior. I was scared and didn't know what to do about most everything. We had split up so many duties over the years but it became apparent that the things she did were the things that mattered; the things that kept our family and household going. Our cars being cleaned and the yard looking good suddenly became so insignificant. Having our bills paid, having food in the refrigerator and helping to coordinate and keep track of family issues were always "hers." I couldn't imagine life without her. I wasn't at all confident that I could even come close to doing the things she had been doing.
Things have not been the same. Everything is different but I have acquired, actually re-acquired, many skills. I've done my best to be her surrogate. I got to witness the best. I just wish she could have witnessed this improved version of myself.