Tuesday, March 29, 2016

The continued waves of guilt

Did I miss something related to T's health?

Should I have taken a more active role in her healthcare?

After she died I saw, in her day-planner, that she had postponed all of her regular doctors appointments until her job and the school year were completed for the year and my hip revision surgery was finished.

Should I have insisted she make earlier appointments? I didn't know she had postponed them but should have-she always thought of others before herself.

9 months since she died and I'm still, unfortunately, cycling through these same questions.

I know it's not a worthwhile use of my time.

The questions are draining.

I know I also should have asked for an autopsy-it's just that I wasn't thinking too clearly at the time.

I do know Tori would tell me to stop acting this way and to get on with my life.

Tomorrow's another day.

I'll try.

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