F-U

My son continues to hurt.

His girlfriend of 4.5 years broke up with him because she needed "time alone to find herself."

He recently saw her making out with her new boyfriend and was informed they had been dating for over a month-starting just about two weeks after she broke up with him.

His confidence and self esteem have taken a huge hit but right now he's just really angry, in the F-U phase, and I'm fine with that.

I prefer that to him feeling sorry for himself and as if his life is over at age 21.

I hope T would agree.

I'm pretty sure she would.

Every new morning

"You are stunned at the normalcy of life around you as people go about their business, totally unaware that your world has stopped and your entire life has been turned upside down."

Over a year has past since T died.

I can honestly say, that for the most part, I am so much less stunned.

"Most everyone you meet is going through a battle you nothing about."

Until, that is, you get to know them better.

"Our experience of loss teaches us much. What comes, if we are fortunate, is a kind of empathy with all of creation-a sense of wonder at the suffering and the beauty, of the world."

I loved T with all my heart.

"The best memorial to your loved one is to live life fully, one day at a time."

"Every new morning starts a new page in your story. Try to make it a great one today."

I'll read this post again in the morning as a gentle reminder.

Drier

I helped my son move into his apartment today for his senior year of college.

I helped him move last year, around this same time, for his junior year. It was less than 2 months after T had died.

However, I wasn't fighting back tears and I wasn't a basket case, literally, on returning home alone this year.

I think about Tori every day.

I'm still sad that she can't experience these wonderful life events with our children and see what awesome young adults they continue to be, in largest part due to her.

I'm just not crying all the time and that's been good.

A stronger faith

On driving home, from a rural area today, I passed a small church that had the following message on a sign out front:

"Come on in. Let God help you become the man your dog thinks you are."

What a great message.

It's true and I'm trying.

Choice words

"Every person you meet today is either a construction or a demolition project. Your words will make a difference. Will they be weapons for construction or destruction?"-Author unknown

I've usually always tried to avoid breaking folks down with my words but I haven't always emphasized  building folks up with my words either.

I've usually felt that words of thanks are not necessarily needed if/when someone is doing what they are supposed to be doing.

I'm now understanding better that this is, in fact, a good thing to do.

Life is short-why not tell folks you are thankful for things?

"No matter what people tell you, words can change the world."-Robin Williams

A surprise in most every cabinet

So many wonderful things mysteriously happened in our home over the years.

I would typically go to work on a day around a holiday and when I would get back home our house would be decorated.

Other times I would come home to a special treat-brownies, bundt cake or cupcakes.

My home is not large but does have a good amount of storage space.

I've been going through most every drawer and cabinet-drawers and cabinets that I never had a reason to go through before.

I've come across carefully stored Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving and even Independence Day decorations.

I never knew we had 15 cupcake pans-all different sizes.

It's been emotional but time has helped.

I know I couldn't  have done this 6 months or so ago.

I'm saddened but more than anything just so incredibly thankful that we had such an amazing life together and that she made such an incredible home for us.

Just so truly thankful.

A fairy reduction

We used to have twice as many "fairies" in our home.

T was the grocery fairy,  the laundry fairy, the bathroom cleaning fairy, and the even more amazing cook fairy.

I was always the dish cleaning fairy, the trash-taking out fairy, the vacuum fairy and the weed pulling fairy.

Things are getting done but will never be the same. I'm usually really tired every night.
I'm fairied out.