Saturday, August 29, 2015

Alone again

Waking up alone in the mornings pretty much sucks.
I would have to say that mornings are about the saddest time of the day for me.
We never really talked a whole lot in the mornings and that was fine because we were together.
We would go about our routines quietly because we knew each other's routines so well.
Our routines changed over the years but with both children in college we had settled into our new norm.
T would make sure our dog had water and food and would let him out a couple times to poop and pee.
I would take out the house trash, re-cycle stuff  or yard trash and get the newspaper.
T always had a diet coke and I always had a cup of instant coffee to start the day.
Breakfast was always simple-oatmeal, cereal or very occasionally an omelet while we quickly skimmed the headlines in the paper. I always started with the sports and T would start with the local section. Whoever opened the paper first would hand the other the preferred sections to start.
T would have showered the night before so I would take a shower while she was doing her hair, etc.
After being fed and dressed we would review what the day had in store.
I would then head out to work carrying a lunch bag with left-overs from the night before and she would take the dog on a mile walk before she headed off to work.
"Have a great day, I love you."
"You do the same, I love you too."

Dean Koontz has written, "You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of your relationship had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the you just lived...and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it... It was everything, it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it...when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of're driven to your knees..."

My knees have callouses.

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