When Tori
was born I know her parents knew she was
special. When I first met her in 1987, I did as well. What really captured me beyond
her natural beauty was her caring, fun, demeanor as well as her depth. There
was nothing superficial about her. Family and friends have described her as
consistent, down-to-earth, steady and wise and I completely agree. She had the
amazing combination of being super smart with an even greater amount of common
sense while remaining humble-traits that pre-destined her to be a great mother
and pediatric nurse practitioner.
Everything
was so natural and drama-free in our relationship. When I asked her to marry me
we had just come back from walking our dog Kasey and I said, “Do you think we
should get married?” and she said, “Yeah that would be cool.” I hadn’t even
thought about buying a ring yet but that was of no concern to her.
We had an
amazing marriage and she was a perfect mother.
The last
couple of weeks have been such an overwhelmingly sad time in our lives but our
relationship, marriage and home life was filled with such fun, love, laughter
and respect that I want to celebrate her today by reviewing the legacy she left
our family.
1. Almost all decisions or minor
conflicts were worked out by an almost daily family walk around the 1.9 mile
loop in our neighborhood. “C’mon, let’s go for a walk,” She would say. We
walked it thousands of times. We often joked that our walks kept us out of
therapy and off mental health medications-it was the best form of medicine.
2. Family dinners were always a great
way to determine what was going on in our lives away from our home. She realized
if she just asked how everything went during a school day invariably Tom and
Ellie would say “just fine.” Instead she decided to have them go through the
day period by period. It was then that details about what they had experienced
and witnessed came out. They also learned that there was virtually nothing they
could say that would shock us given our own experiences at work. This allowed
any topic to be open for discussion. Family dinners were also a great time to
talk about choices/values in life and as they got older to review potential
colleges and careers.
3. She encouraged Tom and Ellie find
their passion and then we supported it. In regards to sports she reminded me
many times that “kids don’t ruin sports. It’s the parents who ruin sports for
their kids.” She was the behind the scenes assistant coach for all the YMCA
sport teams I coached. I know the kids who played on those teams over the
years had improved skills but more importantly maintained a love for having fun
through sports, more than actually remembering our won-loss record. We were
there for virtually all of Tom and Ellie’s extracurricular activities and
sporting events. She served as Ellie’s faithful assistant throughout her middle
and high school riding career that spanned trips throughout the east
coast-literally only missing one show due to being on home quarantine after
going through I131 treatment for thyroid cancer 2 years ago.
4. She was selfless and always thought
about her family first. Just about a month ago, we decided to go
to the Reebok outlet for some new work-out clothes. I found two pairs of shorts
and went looking for her. I saw her carrying an arm-full of clothes but found
out she had picked them out as a surprise for Tom, who was away for the week traveling
with his girlfriends family. She hadn’t begun to look for anything for herself yet.
5. She created wonderful memories
through themed birthday parties, holiday celebrations, overnight camping trips,
weekly family game nights and travel, instead of
concentrating on material possessions. She always went out of her way to make
everyone feel so comfortable in our home. She loved having Tom and Ellie’s
friends hang out at our home or with us when on one of our beach vacations,
always making sure to have plenty of food and drink and one of her famous cookie
pies available. Through trips to theme parks, zoos, local parks, most all of
our national parks and extensive travel throughout our country and around the
world, our kids experienced so much. The list is by no means complete but due
to her planning, Tom and Ellie have ridden horseback, swam in multiple oceans, cruised,
snorkeled, water-skied, hiked, biked, canoed, kayaked, canyoneered, repelled,
zip lined, white water rafted, geo-cached, sled, snow-boarded, snow mobiled,
snow-shoed, jet skied, banana-boated, tubed, dune buggeyed, navigated urban subways,
rode the Euro-train throughout Italy, accidentally came within 25 yards of a
Grizzly bear in Yellowstone and taken death defying car rides in Ireland with
me driving on the opposite side of the road with a manual transmission car; the
most memorable of which was along the ring of Kerry with the narrow roads, a
cliff on one side and tour buses coming the opposite way who didn’t seem to
care that they were half-way in our lane. Even long car rides were always
memorable-creating word games or coming up with pseudonyms for our family in
case we ever needed to go into hiding or protective custody.
6. She instilled a love for health and fitness
in Tom and Ellie by limiting what she called “electronic time” to no more than
an hour/day when they were young and gaming was just getting popular. She would
have them go outside to play when the alarm on the timer would sound that meant
their hour was up for the day.
7. She kept our home a safe place, a
sanctuary. My brother would always say our home was so peaceful whenever he
would visit and it was because of her.
At some point of most every night she would say its “Jammie Time,”
usually around 8 PM and she would change into a baggy t-shirt and an old pair
of boxers. We would all follow suit and then settle into a night of reading or
watching a TV show together. Silence in our home in the evening meant nothing
more that its’ been a really busy day and we are all just tired of talking.
While quiet, over the years our home also included 4 dogs, hamsters, gerbils,
mice, turtles, hermit crabs, a newt and multiple fish that always seemed to
significantly outlive their expected life span. And of course we also ventured
into horse ownership twice. She occasionally referred to our horses as “kitchen
cabinets,” to gently remind Ellie that we choose to support her passion rather than
to remodel our 1970 kitchen for many years.
8. She gave Tom and Ellie the tools
needed to be independent, responsible adults by having them pick out all their
own clothes and do all their own laundry starting at an early age, as well as
weekly house chores, open and manage their own bank accounts, do their own
shopping and most recently learning to plan meals and cook because both are
coming off the meals plans at college this year. I picked “Sweet Home Alabama”
as one of the songs for the opening video because she would play it most every
Saturday morning as a sign that housecleaning was about to commence. A hidden
video recording would have captured some pretty goofy dancing by all of us on
those mornings while dusting and vacuuming.
I loved how she used humor and sarcasm. Typically when going out to eat
at a restaurant that specializes in Hamburgers, for example, I might ask a
stupid question such as, “what are you going to get to eat?” and she would look
at me and say “a pizza.” When I once said, “Lets’ go watch the fireworks at
Lake Eola today,” she said, “sure, just let me go to Costco first to buy some sun
block, rain poncho’s and mosquito repellent.” She then said the weather report
shows a brutally hot and sunny day, followed by afternoon rain with the
onslaught of mosquito’s to follow. We laughed and then came up with an
alternative plan.
Every night ended with saying “I love you” to each other before going to
bed.
I know we will all be faced with asking “what would Tori do?” in the
future. We have all so benefited from having her in our lives.
I am so thankful for our years together and our two awesome children.
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